Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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