Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
