I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
then he tried to convert me to islam
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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