a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
