In America we eat man semen.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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