He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
ok first of all what the fuck
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
