I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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