Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
