I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
