Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
