Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You left your phone here
Wait...
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