I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
