I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
