dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Someone came in the potted fern
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
