I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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