sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
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he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
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He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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