for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
