I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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