What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
