my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
This baby is an asshole
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
