So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
