Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You are the jesus of drinking
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
