i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
