I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
