Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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