why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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