I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
