Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
