i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
