whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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