I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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