she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
