I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
