How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
