@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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