flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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