we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
