Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
