just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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