the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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