Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
