I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm at about main and main street
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
