It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
