Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
