I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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