I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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