i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
