Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
