you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
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No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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