I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
