I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
