i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
