i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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