Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
