I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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