I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
