I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
