hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
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we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
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I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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