Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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