I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My balls are so social today.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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