my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
