I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
