She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
