I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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