im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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