i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
