girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
